Because I have been too busy fully drinking from the cup of LIFE!
By which I mean I’ve been sitting around in my Wonder Woman Underoos eating cheesy poofs and looking at hideous tattoos.
Check out this beauty:
I’ll be performing a few songs and a story for my friend Aaron (Duckmandu’s) very last cabaret at the Fishtank on Sunday night:
3405 Piedmont Ave Oakland
Starts at 6 and goes till midnight or till we run out of acts
I’ll be singing dirty songs and telling dirty stories. Come on down!
Okay, in a minute I’ll do the round up on my recent performances but first this:
Anyhoo, right now I am making more chili than I could ever eat in the whole history of the world, so I’ll freeze a whole bunch of it, which will necessitate throwing out an assload of uneaten frozen food which I bought because sometimes I do my grocery shopping high and which I will never eat ever ever and than I’ll try to label the chili with a sharpie and date it but it will smear and then much much later I’ll look in the freezer and see that there’s nothing to eat except some really freezer-burned old chili that has been in there god known how long so I’ll get high and go to the grocery store and buy a whole bunch of frozen food and then come back home and throw out the chili and fill the freezer..
It’s the circle of life.
I might be wrong about that but at any rate it is a complex and beautiful ritual, reminiscent of sand paintings and mandalas, the Burning Man temple burn and old women in a park in China practicing sword play, an elegant reminder of the fleeting temporal nature of our lives. Or it is yet more proof that I am blisteringly incompetent at almost everything I do.
I read some quote once that had been scraped with a key into a car: the way you do anything is the way you do everything. This chili, for instance, is the way I do everything: I plunge recklessly into a project, a love, a vat of lubricant, and splash around vigorously but with no real plan and then I shake myself off vigorously like a dog , besmattering and besmirching everything around me, and then lollop off into the next thing dirty and emotionally sloppy, and ready to get everything around me dirty as well. It’s a sort of half-assed but full throttle enthusiasm which is my fucking hallmark. And every once in a while, it works.
My artistic shit:
People ask me whether I’m working on anything new and the answer is NO. I was going to, I met with my director, but the secret inner voice has been saying that I should work on my book and then Pitchapalooza rolled around and gave me some hope, I am now going to gallop off in that direction. So there won’t be a lot of live performances for the next few months. I will though pop up from time to time when specifically asked to tell stories by my friends who run storytelling series and that is what I have been doing for the past few weeks.
The DAY after Pitchapalooza I told a Burning Man story at Fireside. I was asked on Monday, said yes, and whipped it together in less than a day because all day the day before I was pitchapaloozing. Fireside has really grown, this was a big event, I felt unprepared, and they made me the finale. Oh, and my ex boyfriend was filming the whole shebang, but that was okay because we’re buddies now. He promised that he would make me look good and put a border of hearts and stars around my story and draw horns and mustaches on everyone else. I really wish he would but I doubt it, the big pussy. That’s right, Nate! I’m calling you out! I know you read my blog! PUSSY PUSSY PUSSY!
When he’s done I’ll link the story here. Because of this story my daughter now thinks I’m retarded and calls me “little miss cat tranquilizers.” Well, fair enough.
I also Klowned with Bawdy for the Wednesday event and told a story for Bawdy in the Alley at Litcrawl. I wish someone had taken a pic of that, because I had this awesome penis visual aid that Froghole the Klown drew for me (Alex Blanck, and he is AWESOME!). The event was super super fun, and just made me realize how glad I am that among my friends, everyone has stories about big dicks and drag queens and sex parties and nasty back alley ass sex. It’s the kind of life I always wanted to lead. And now I do.
Chili’s ready. Gonna eat a bowl with fritos crumbled in it, sloppy with cheese and sour cream. If you like really meaty chili, come over to my house this week. I can’t eat it all!